My road to chess glory: Part 4: Scrutiny

My road to chess glory: Part 4 : Scrutiny

The 2011/12 proved to be a difficult season for me not just as a player but also as a team captain. At the time, I was the captain of the Stoneleigh trophy team and the competition recently had some major changes to the format. The Stoneleigh trophy was an inter-club,rapid-play team competition where there are 8 game between the two teams in each match. Each player score 1 game point for winning a game and half a game point for a draw. each match is essentially in 2 halves with 4 games played in the first half and the other 4 being played in the second half (usually, it's the same 4 players playing reversed colours; although they a team can choose to have 4 different players for the second half.) Whichever team scored the most game points for their team wins the match. However, before the start of the new season, I was told that there would be told that there would be a new handicap match format for the competition which meant both teams would have to reach a "target" score in order to draw a match and exceed it to win.

Before the season started, I had a game-plan about how to win the Stonleigh trophy. I wanted to be
one step ahead of my opposition. Basically, I wanted as bag a grade range as I can possibly get. As high-ranked a player as possible on board 1 and as low-ranked a player as I can get. on board 4 with average players on boards 2 and 3. New thinking for a new format. however , this philosophy cane under heave criticism from a member of the club who also happened to be the inter-club tournaments director of the Surrey board and vice-president of South Norwood chess club which I was a member of at the time. he simply wanted me to select the strongest players that I can get. Infect I almost had my captaincy for the Stoneleigh team stolen from me as he phoned the day after the 2011 A.G.M saying that he should take over the opposition because he thought I was "depressed" in the A.G.M. I had to tell him that I was not depressed but tired and I was still willing to run the team .

In the first match, we narrow lost by 1 point and the vice-president told me on my mobile phone on my way home after the match "you need to get someone who will get you a point". He simply didn't appreciate what I was trying to achieve with my player selections and first thought I chose a weak team. The results were not going our way and we only had one match win in our first four matches which meant we were unable to win the competition.  What made things worse for me was the fact that before our fifth match I had a serious stomach infection where I had to go to hospital one early Saturday morning which left me feeling weak for a few days. During  that time I had a very rude phone call from the vice-president accusing me of "falling asleep", clearly unaware of what happened to me during that week-end. The illness also meant that I had little time or energy to think of what kind on team I wanted to have for the match. I thought that I might as well experiment with one or two players who had not previously been in the team. However, the vice-president decided to take the law into his own hands and demanded that he should be in the team over another player. This lead to me having a strong panic attack as I felt as if he was denying me my rights as a captain to select the team that I wanted. Out of shear panic, I gave in and asked him what team he wanted me to have. He gave me the list of 4 players he wanted me to have for his team which inevitably included himself in replacement of another player. I felt like my power and rights as a team captain were instantly taken away from me. It was a moment where I felt named and shamed. We eventually won the fifth match our only victory that season. The final match ended in a draw.

I will never forget that phone call from the vice-president for as long as I live. The feeling of powerlessness I had during that moment haunted me for a couple of months and changed the way I viewed the vice-president. However the worst was yet to come. 

My road to Chess Glory: Part 3: The road to recovery.

Going into the 2011/12 season, I decided to make major changes to the way I played chess. Before the start of this particular season, I had a style that I eventually called "Tempo Hunting". This style of play was aggressive, but was also tactics dependent and required sharp calculation for it to be successful. I realised that my ailing body was not able to compete in the tactics department. Therefore, I adopted a more positional style. I changed my repertoire and relied more on judgement rather than calculation. After a while, I saw my results improving. However in the summer of 2012 when I was preparing to make my debut in the CCF Cup, I found myself suffering an asthma attack and had to go to hospital about a week before the start of the tournament which ment I was forced to take a bye in the opening round. This left me feeling fatigued for the rest of the summer as I could only manage an equal score of 3 wins and 3 losses. I did however did better in the Wernick Cup that year as I won my section and therefore qualified for the final on my first appearance in the competition since winning it in 2009. It was a 4-way final where I finished runner-up after 2 wins and 1 loss, losing only to the overall winner.

Different (A poem)

DIFFERENT

If they are red then I am blue.

If they are false then I am true.

If they are right then I am wrong.

If they are short then I am long.

If they are hot the I am cold.

If they are fresh the I am mould.

If they are square then I am round.

If they are a penny then I am a pound.

So here I am, something new.

So here I am, out of the blue.

So here I am, fitting in

So here I am, blending in

So here I am, it's all change.

So here I am, let's re-arrange.

So here I am, It's only me!

So here I am, can we just be?

I am different, something new.

I am different, a point of view.

I am different, rain or shine.

I am different, a pure devine.

I am different, so they say.

I am different come what may.

I am different, so it's true.

I am different, ... but then so are you!

My life direction(as of April 2018)

My life direction( as of April 2018)

Me with the Wernick Cup which i won in 2009

My Chess Career

I recently announced on Facebook that I will retire from over-the-board tournament chess at he end of the 2019 CCF cup. This is so that I can have full focus on my spiritual journey where I can grow and develop as a person. This will be the end of a 14 year journey that started in 2005 and I am thankful for everything the game has given me.

My Shogi 1-Dan Persuit

Shogi is the Japanese form of Chess

I have really been into Shogi recently. Shogi is the Japanese form of chess which I first learnt to play in 2008. I joined the Shogi playing site 81 Dojo in March 2012. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am now a stronger Shogi player then I am a chess player and now fell  like I can reach the rank of 1-Dan by the end of the year. At this point, I would like to join the World Shogi League but I don't know how at this point.

My Buddhist Path

In April 2016, I announced on Facebook that I am following and studying Buddhism. There has been many wonderful life lessons that i have learnt from Buddhism and other spiritual studies.I hope to one day become part of my local Buddhist community. I think it will give me a real sense of belonging in the world.

Finding Work

One of the most frustrating aspects of my life is that I have never really known what i really want from a career. i studied I.T. and accounting in college and have had voluntary administration jobs in the past but I have never really known what I want to do professionally. At this point in time, I am thinking about studying psychology, perhaps with one day being a psychologist, a therapist of a counsellor. However, this is just a vague thought at the moment.

Is Autism Just Human Evolution?

Is Autism Just Human Evolution?

My diagnosis story

According to my parents, I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at the age of 10. However, the condition was never explained to me at the time of the diagnosis. In fact I was in a constant state of disbelief of the idea of me having the condition until I arranged a one of appoint ment with a secretary at my local surgery to see my medical records. For me to realise this truth was heartbreaking. I thought I was like every other person on the planet but clearly, medical science had other ideas.

The medical mystery

Throughout my life, I have had Asperger Syndrome (AS) and other Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASDs) be called all sorts of things. I've heard it be called a mental illness, learning disability, medical condition and even a disease!

Medical science always puts a negative connotation to the autism spectrum. Many have said that there has to be a cure for it. However, I am hearing more and more no YouTube that ASDs are rather a step in human evolution. This way of thinking about ASDs is certainly not out of the question when you consider th growing amount of cases around the world. (even without the controversial MMR vacccine) Many scientists have struggled for decades to find the cause of ASDs but alas have yet to find an answer.

What is the truth?

So is autism really just a step in human evolution? If scientists are not able to give a definite external reason for the sharp rise of ASD cases then we are clearly seeing a transformation within the human species. Society is always demanding us to conform and be like everyone else as if we were all ment to be the same person. Society is always fearful of someone who is different in some way. However, it is our differences that makes the human condition as rich as it is.

As you are about to learn from these 3 videos, there are a growing amount of people who beleive that ASDs are not "illness" that have to be "cured" in some waybut rather a step in human evolution. Maybe all of us will be "autistic" in some way.

Teal Swan: Autism (Understanding Autism, Autistic Children and Autistic Adults) - Teal Swan

Arthur Arcturus: Is Asperger's Human 2.0

Tony Atwood: is Asperger Syndrome the next stage of human evolution?

Dear 16 Year Old Me.

Dear 16 Year Old Me.

Dear 16 year old me.

I learnt recently that you are currently revising for your GCSEs and that you will soon be leaving St Mary's high school. and start studying Information Technology at Croydon College in September. I know that there will be challenging times ahead of you so here is some advice for coping with the adult world.

1). Never listen to negative people.

There will always be people out there who will look down at you in some way. They will do anything to bring you down. They will always doubt you . If you have persistant belief in your dreams than you can achieve anything.

2). Never listen to anyone who tries to change you.

You are wonderful just the way you are. There will be people out there that will never appreciate your inner value. Stay the way you are and you will be fine.

3). Remember that you are a person with multiple talents.

You can be whoever you want if you really dedicate your heart and mind to fulfilling your potential.you have the ability to do many things in life.

4). Cherish yourself.

Remember that you are a person worthy of love. No matter how negative other people are of you no matter how lonely of isolated you feel, remember that you are ALWAYS worthy of love.

5). Cherish all the positive people in your life.

A person who makes you fell good about yourself and gives you good advice is a precious gift that you should never take for granted. you always deserve to have good, loving , caring and encouraging people around you. However, such people are rare and you should invest as much time with these people as possible.

Wishing you all the best in your life.

Yours Truly

Richard Davis Aged 16.....x2 = 32. (Still a maths wizz! Kind of!)

Loving Language: Part 3: Healing Words.

LOVING LANGUAGE 

PART 3: HEALING WORDS

Medicine from the mouth

Language has the power to both heal and hurt. in the last blog, I talked about how language can hurt, now I will talk about themselves and even heal mental and emotional wounds. Loving language is literally like medicine. Once taken, can ease the pain that may have been present in a person and can make someone feel better instantly. Unlike medicines for the physical body when we have to pay for them or get a prescription from our G.P. the medicine of loving language and healing words is absolutely free!  It costs nothing to send it and it costs nothing to receive it.

The poisoned tongue

A lot of us fall into the trap of speaking dismissively towards ourselves and others. In this way we are slowly poisoning ourselves and other people in a spiritual sense. A lot of the language used in modern day society is toxic. We have come accustomed to name calling, swearing, insults, put-downs and other forms of harsh language. In fact, I recently learnt from a book that 75%  of out verbal programming to ourselves and others is negative in some way.

Small sentence, big difference

Loving Language can can come in may forms like compliments, praise, encouragement and consolation. They are usually small words and sentences that can uplift a spirit of a person. The impact of a healing word or sentence to a person is often underestimated. A healing word can literally transform someone in a beautiful way.

The other night, before a meditation, I decided to read one of my spiritual books which was an ancient text. There is on verse which I remembered which had a profound definition of the value of language. It read: "Better than a thousand meaningless words collected together is a single meaningful word on hearing which one becomes tranquil".

I find this quote to be very profound. It basically means that no matter how long the message is, if it has no meaning to it then it wont have any effect on a person. However, Loving language often comes in very small phrases like "I love you" "You are beautiful", "Thank you" "How are you?" "You can do it!" "You are great". Notice how these phrases are only a few words long and yet their uplifting power is immense.

Perhaps for the sake of this blog, we could change the above verse slightly to "Better than a thousand phrases of hurt collected together is a small healing phrase on hearing which one becomes loved".

"You are beautiful"

There has been some social experiments on YouTube where woman were told that they were beautiful. I think it is safe to say that they were uplifted by just one word. "Beautiful".

Kind words are so simple and so priceless and get a lot of us struggle to give and receive a kind or phrase to oneself or others.

We should all make it our goal in life to speak as kindly and as positively to ourselves and others as possible so that we can heal hearts and minds one word at a time.

Loving Language Part 2: Harsh Words

LOVING LANGUAGE PART 2 : HARSH WORDS

In part 1 I came to the conclusion that love is about positive emotion. When we feel positive about something, it is easy to give love. However, inevitably in life we will have thoughts and feelings about ourselves, and others that are by nature, negative. All of us are given negative feedback from other people from time to time, and that's OK if the criticism is constructive. However, most of the time, criticism is constructive. However, most of the time, criticism is harsh, destructive and hurtful. There are many relationships out there that use hurtful language to each other. I for one have been involved in many relationships where both of us have used hurtful language and even done hurtful actions towards each other. It's amazing how 2 people who were once seemed inseparable can suddenly break each other apart just because on person or both was unable to use language wisely.

When we are speaking to another person, we have to remember that we can provoke an emotion in that person which can be detrimental to the relationship later on. Language is a powerful tool. If it's used in the right way, you will gain countless benefits, If you use it wrongly the there will be endless problems.

We can literally change the world through the nature of our language. Harsh words create friction, conflict and even war. However, with loving compassionate language to ourselves and others and care about how we speak to other people, we can make our world a better place and even heal the world of it's problems.

I will write about the positive effect of loving language in the next blog of this series.

Illness at Work: Should I stay home?

ILLNESS AT WORK

Should I stay home?

There are many things about the working world that I find straight forward. You wake up early, you turn-up to your work on time, you dress appropriately, you listen to you boss and you dedicate yourself to the task ahead of you. OK. That understood. However, there has always been an area of confusion from my perspective about when you are part of the work-force and suddenly, you fall ill.

When I was working as a volunteer administrator at Thornton Heath Citizen's Advice Bureau between June 2010 and August 2012, there were unfortunately, too many days when I would have to call unwell to my manager because of persistant medical symptoms. Those symptoms included cold and flu, headaches, hay-fever, asthma, and diarrhoea. My manager seemed to be fine with me calling off work due to poor health. However, I was getting moans from one of my key workers saying that I should not be having so many days of work.

The Mystery Illness

I never intended to have so many days of work but my body clearly had other ideas. It should also be noted that at the time of working in the bureau that I had to move home and had this "mystery illness" which was yet to be properly diagnosed. I was going through hell medically as it seemed that I would fall ill for no reason. I had countless appointments with my GP about what was going on with my body. Why was I having so many headaches? Why was I having on-going cold and flu symptoms?Would it ever end? My confidence in the working world got lower and lower and I seriously questioned if I was really fit for the working world.

In early 2011, I just felt more and more dysfunctional. I wasn't able to walk very far because of my on-going symptoms and everyday felt like a struggle. At first I got the diagnosis of sinusitis in order to explain the headaches that I was getting and then I was re-diagnosed with allergic rhinitis six months later. Finally, I got to know what the "mystery illness" was and I can finally get the relevant treatment for the symptoms. That said, I was still struggling with constant fatigue which would occasionally make me feel drowsy and often oversleep.

The Health Problems Continue

Going into the new year of 2012, I thought I would have seen the end of my period of persistant illness. However, in March of that year I had an aggressive form of diarrhoea which saw me in hospital for a weekend. In May, I had the first of 2 asthma attacks of that year and I would have the other one in June. It was after the June attack that I decided to resign from my post as a volunteer administrator for the Thornton Heath Citizen's Advice Bureau.

Last year (2017) I saw an internet article saying that flu symptom does affect both your physical and your mental performance and therefore will affect your productivity.

https://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mind-and-body/your-brain-cold-and-flu

The Unanswered Question

I am just being honest when I say that I am not able to work properly when my body is in a dysfunctional state but the question remains: When I am not feeling well, do I stay home or do I try to commit myself to the working day despite my symptoms?

Until that question is answered, I don't think I will ever have the confidence to be part of the working world as a don't believe that I will be able to keep a job for long.

My Review of 2017

MY REVIEW OF 2017

New Spiritual Discoveries

I Started the year by trying to find the Brixton Buddhist Centre which happens to be small room that is hired for meditation and various therapy  treatments located in a small building called "Yoga Point" where yoga classes predominate. My initial search for this place was in August 2016. However, there were a few bus diversions around London at that time which made it too difficult to find the location. Thankfully, with the help of the internet, I was able to find the Brixton Buddhist Centre for a meditation and Buddhism class. I loved the bedroom like aura of the meditation room. It helped me feel right at home and I settled into the meditation very quickly. At the same time, the Croydon Buddhist Centre was having it's shrine room re-built and refurbished. The new shrine room officially opened on the 13th May, I first paid a visit to this new shrine room on the evening of Wednesday 28th June while attending a meditation class.

Meditation, Buddhism and spirituality has played an increasingly important part of my life this year. I feel like I am gaining valuable life lessons from my spiritual studies.

I subscribed to the American Buddhist magazine "Lion's Roar" on Thursday 2nd March. "Lion's Roar" is a bi-monthly magazine that gives Buddhist wisdom on everyday life experiences.

Life Blog

On Saturday 21st January, I launched my own personal life blog on the internat where I would create and publish articles about my opinions, experiences and lessons on life. The first entry of the blog is the review of 2016 which was dedicated to my elder sister Mariam who sadly passed away in April of that year. This year, I have touched on topics like anger and loneliness.

Chess

This has proven to be my most successful in Chess to date. My ECF standard-play grade reached an all-time high of 134. I won my first major individual championship since winning the Wernick cup in 2009. The 7 and a half year wait finally came to an end in April when I eventually claimed the CCF Division 1 title with a record of 6 wins, 3 draws and 2 losses. I showed the trophy to my family and we took photos to remember the occasion with. 

I also had my best summer campaign this year where I entered in 2 competitions. The CCF cup and the Felce cup. I finished joint 2nd in the CCF Cup where i won my first 5 games before losing in round 6 due mainly to a mistake in the opening. I pressed for a win in the 7th and final round but I eventually lost and had to settle for finishing joint 2nd. I won £45 in prize money.

In the Felce Cup, I won the South Norwood section with a record of 3 wins and 1 loss. This promoted me to the Felce Cup final where I faced the winners of the other 2 sections.

I won the first game of the final after an adjournment but lost the other 3 games mainly due to bad opening play. However, I did win £10 in prize money for finishing 3rd overall in the tournament.

The Easter Rapidplay at CCF was another event where I had success where I shared 2nd place and won £17.50 in prize money.

On Sunday 12 March, I launched a Facebook group called "The Dragon Kingdom of Chess, Xiangi and Shogi. This was originally just about Chess and Shogi but there was also interest in the game of Xiangqi. Xiangqi and Shogi are Chinese and Japanese equivalents of Chess. Members are free to post anything that is that is related to any of the 3 games.

Back in 2015, I decided to run 2 Super League teams at CCF. Both of them were called "The Dragon Kings" after one of the 7 professional titles in Shogi. There was the long -play Super League with a record of 6 wins and a draw and hence has been promoted to the "Premiership". The rapid-play team also had a decent calender year as they finished in third place with a record of 3 wins 1 draw and 1 loss.

They started the new season well enough with 2 wins to start their campeign, however, at the time of writting, we lost our 3rd match mainly due to a default.

On Saturday the 16th and Sunday the 17th of December, I played in the CCF Christmas Congress "Major" section. I took a bye in round 3 but otherwise played in the other 4 rounds. In the 4 games that I played in, I had 3 wins and 1 loss. It was my first long-play congress in 3 years.

The lowest point of the year however was having to leave South Norwood Chess Club for a second time after falling out once again with one of the vice-presidents. I actually lead the club to winning the Ellary Williams Memorial Trophy for a second time.  However, my conscience became clear when the vice-president in question insulted the head president of the club. I was so insulted by his behaviour that I decided that I no longer wished to work with him anymore.

I sent the vice-president an email to announce the termination of our relationship. However, he actually tried to bribe me into playing for his teams but I made it clear to him that I do not play chess for money.  He also tried to suppress my feelings and thoughts about him over the phone.  That made it clear to me that this was not a healthy relationship. In the end,  I had to make a second email to him just to understand the simple 3 word sentence "end of relationship ". Eventually, I decided that there is no point staying at the club if there is somebody there that is going to destroy my mental health. It's always a sad moment when you have to leave a place that you once considered a second home but sometimes you have to do what is best for your own well being.

Yoga

For most of the year, I have been interested in finding suitable and affordable yoga class to attend. Luckily, I found a banner outside my local park advertising various activities that was to take place in a local Hindu temple. One of those was a yoga class that takes place every Friday. I had my first attendance there on the 8th of September. It was challenging but also enjoyable. The best thing about the venue for the yoga classes is that they are free and only a couple of blocks from where I live. i hope to go to more yoga classes in 2018.

My Spiritual Future

Since the beginning of 2016, I have been on a personal spiritual path which has significantly enhanced my inner contentment. I have bought and discovered a lot of materials on spiritual development. However my most profound discovery of the year was the Be Here Now Network YouTube channel and website https://beherenownetwork.com/ which provides podcasts with recordings of some of the best spiritual teachers in the west. I enjoy listening to these podcasts when I am working by my computer or even occasionally when I am trying to sleep. I have to say that I general, I feel more complete now then I have been in a long time. In fact, back in November, I learnt something uplifting about one of the most talked about aspects of my natural way of  being; self talk. For a lot of my life and especially during my childhood, I was often shamed and told-off for talking to myself which as I understand now is caused by intensive thoughts. I have always been an intensive thinker. In some respects, until 2016, I was addicted to thinking. Most of the activities that I have enjoyed for most of my life have involved thinking. One of the great things that my spiritual path is that it has helped me be aware of the thoughts that I have and be able to control, monitor and reduce the intensity of my thoughts and emotions. I have also been well informed on the internet that self-talk is normal and every one talks to themselves . This is a relief to me as I was often told during my childhood that self -talk was "the first sign of madness". Now I'm even told that self-talk is the first sign of success! I even bought a book online called "What to say when you talk to yourself" by Shad Helmstetter which explains how we program our own minds to determine how much success that we have in life.

2017 has proven to be a year of spiritual enhancement and self discovery. I am currently going through an exciting period of my life where I am finding more and more ways to increase and maintain my inner contentment. It's also been a year when a long wait for real success over the chessboard has finally come to an end and I now feel like I know what's best for me both as a chess-player and a person.

The End

Completed on Saturday 13 January 2018