Right Swiping: my review

Right Swiping: my review

I recently finished reading a four-page article on spiritual internet dating in the March 2019, 40th Anniversary edition of the American Buddhist magazine “Lion’s Roar”. Since the beginning of 2019, I have been taken about joining an Internet dating website which has been made specially for people on a spiritual path.  For a while I have been looking for some guidance and advice in the world of internet dating says and it was a nice surprise that in this edition of Lions Roar, there was an article about someone’s personal experience of dating. One thing from the article that I learnt is an Internet dating seems to be a very emotional experience.

People’s demands

There is no doubt that there are people out there who have specific desires for their potential date.  Some of them are VERY specific.  For example, I learnt that there are people out there who list their likes and dislikes.  The writer of the article also mentions that she met a person who gave a long list of likes and dislikes.  For example: “I hope you into hiking, love dogs, and want to eat all the chocolate out of the Neapolitan ice cream.” and “no drama, no head games.  No people who wear blue socks on Tuesdays.”

It is clear to me that on that evidence I’m going to feel the pressure of other people’s expectations.  Naturally, my personal question to what’s this is; “How do I deal with such expectations?”.  Thankfully, the article provides an answer.

Emotional Athleticism.

The writer of the article was given some advice from somebody which I found very useful.  “Dating is an athletic event of the heart.  Athletes stretch before they start playing.  Dating requires the same amount of warm-up.  First, assess the situation.” The quote basically means that we must be honest about how we are feeling and be emotionally prepared before interacting with a potential date. 

I think that is important to ask ourselves meaningful questions about the person we are thinking of dating like “Do I feel positive about this person?” and “Is he or she the kind of person I want to spend time with.” Such questions help us confirm how we really feel about the kind of person we are about to date.

Relationship goals

The article also mentions that it is important to know exactly what you are looking for in a relationship. Do you just want a girlfriend or boyfriend?  Do you just want to have fun?  Do you want marriage?  Do you want to children?  Do you want sex?  Do you just want a close friend?

I recently learnt on the internet that there are several different types of relationships.

Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love may help. 

Swipe left or right

If we are on a dating website on our smartphones, you will probably be asked to swipe left for “no” and right for “yes” based on a picture of the person we have seen.  This forces us to make an immediate judgement based solely on physical appearance.  Hence, we must find or create a good picture of ourselves in order to attract other people.  This may be difficult or both you and other people to accept.  If you’re feeling guilty about rejecting somebody solely on an image of their face and you can internally say a small consoling message to that person like “may you find your love” or “I hope you find what you’re looking for”.  This will reduce the amount of guilt that you feel for that person and maintain your positivity when searching for the right date.

Hope and expectation

When we are dating, it is natural to have feelings of hope and expectation.  However, I think one of the biggest problems that modern society has is that they are often attached to hope and expectation.  This often leads to a lot of unnecessary stress and disappointment.  When we are dating, we always had to bear in mind that there is a lot that is out of our hands.  As much effort as we put in our profiles, appearances and mannerisms, there is never any guarantee that your date is going to work out.  We always must be conscious of this fact when trying to find a partner otherwise we’ll always open ourselves to emotional pain from other people.

This is the reason why you should always…

Love yourself first!

There are many people out there who go into relationships feeling empty of love.  This means that they try to find a partner from a point of resentment and desperation.  This is the worst possible emotional state to be trying to find an intimate partner.  Therefore, you should look inside yourself to see what kind of inner emotional pain that you are suffering and find a way to resolve it before attempting to find a relationship.

One thing to remember when you go into relationships is that regardless of your past or present, you are always worthy of love!

If you love yourself first, and loving others will be a lot easier.

Good luck with your search for true love!