My Review of 2011
By Richard Davis
I came into the year feeling under the weather on most days
as I was still yet to work out what was going on in my body. Hence I spent the
first 3 months of the year still suffering from this “Mystery Illness” which I
had since the beginning of 2010. Rarely in that time would I go through a day
without a headache, a flu symptom or a period of fatigue. It was as if my body
was aging at a rate of knots. There were times when I struggled to walk and
there were days when I struggled to speak. It was as if I suddenly became an
elderly man. Back in August 2010 my mother suggested that I have a brain scan
which I was eventually able to do. I got the results of the scan on Wednesday
30th of March 2011. The good news: I had a healthy brain. (Must be
all that chess-playing that I do) The bad news: I had a sinus problem which was
originally diagnosed with Sinus Disease or Sinusitis. At last! My illness was
no longer a mystery. However this wasn’t the end off the story. The doctor that
I saw that day suggested that I see an Ear, Nose and Throat (ENT) specialist.
On the day of my birthday (12th April) I had an appointment with a
GP from my local surgery where I would give the news about the results.
There was some small bit of joy though. On the night of the
2nd of February my friend
Sophie asked me if we can be boyfriend and girlfriend in what was my first ever
text conversation. Although we didn’t make it romantically she was still my
first ever valentine.
In May I would announce by e-mail that I would take a break
from competitive chess as I was still struggling with regular headaches, colds
and fatigue. This meant that I would miss the annual Surrey Individual
Championships for the first time in my club chess career. I also mentioned in
the same e-mail to the relevant people that I would spend the summer doing
social activities and catching up with friends and family. The 10th of
the month was a particularly memorable day. I invited a very special female
friend to lunch at a Chinese restaurant near where I live. This friend used to
help run a social group for people with Asperger Syndrome. We spent about an
hour enjoying our meal and catching up with our lives. It was great to see her
again. After the meal I showed her to my flat. She was the first person I
invited to my new home since I moved there on the 11th October 2011. She
thought it was nice. I then showed her back to the train station talking about
the surrounding birds and flowers in the process. When we reached the station
we had another friendly chat before her train arrived. As we departed company I
had the urge to cuddle her goodbye and I did and it was returned by a lovely
kiss before leaving for her train. It was the first time that I was ever kissed
by a female friend and it would prove to be an omen later in the summer.
I would eventually turn up for my ENT appointment on Tuesday
7th June 2011 and be re-diagnosed with allergic rhinitis, better
known as hay fever. Later that same day I would start a meditation course based
on exploring positive emotion called “Loving life” which would take place every
Tuesday evening for 6 weeks in the Croydon Buddhist Centre. The course was
based on a meditation called the Metta Bhavna or the Development of Loving
Kindness. During the time of the course I bought myself two books from the
Buddhist Centre shop. One was called Life
with full attention and the other one was a book I was advised to buy
called Full Catastrophe Living as it
was about relieving stress, pain and illness through meditation amongst other
psychological and spiritual methods. The book is based on a stress reduction
clinic in the University
of Massachusetts Medical Centre.
On the 7th of July I decided that the best way to
understand relationships which involves an AS person is to buy some Asperger
Relationship books. One book which I remember borrowing from a library is Asperger Syndrome and long term
relationships a book that theoretically explores how Asperger Syndrome
affects intimate relationships. The book is written by a woman with an AS
husband. So I decided to buy that book of the internet along with Asperger Syndrome: A love story a
personal story about an intimate partnership between a neurotypical woman and
man with AS and 22 Things a Woman Must Know
If She Loves a Man with Asperger Syndrome. A book written by and Asperger
woman from New York
that advises neurotypical women on how to cope with issues associated with an
AS male partner. Around the same time, I decided to buy the film Mozart and the Whale on DVD. This film
is about a Double AS relationship between a man that is a mathematical savant
and a woman with a love of painting and music. I finally got the film on the
Saturday 23rd of July and the books on Monday the 25th.
The books and DVD film came at the most appropriate time as
I would soon go to a speed dating on Wednesday the 27th event in a
Nightclub in Central London. The event was
organised by Stars in the sky. It was
however a difficult journey, due to fact that I didn’t have the train knowledge
to get there and therefore had to take 3 buses to get within walking distance
of the venue. It did not help either that I was getting poor signals of my
mobile phone from the phone calls I was making to the event organiser. In fact
at one point I was going the wrong direction and was very concerned at one
point that I would not get to the venue on time nor would have the energy to
come back home if I arrived late. Thankfully I did make the venue in time for
the speed dating. I was absolutely exhausted when I arrived but I recovered in
time to take part. After the speed dating session a brown haired woman in a
strapless top came up to me and asked if we could continue our conversation.
After the conversation where we exchanged each other’s interests a moment of
magic happened! She came to my side of the wooden benched table, wrapped her
arm around me and gave me a kiss! Wow! My first kiss! (About time too at the
age of 25) She then told me that I haven’t been in a relationship in a long
time. It was getting chilly outside so she asked for my raincoat to cover her
bare shoulders. After a while, the woman running the event asked if we can have
our picture taken so that we can be on the Stars
in the sky website. We both agreed and the photo was taken. Before leaving
we exchanged each others names and numbers. Her name was Louisa. On my way back
home I decided that I would take a train route back home as I thought it would
be easier and quicker especially as it was already approaching midnight. I took
a tube train from Whitechapel to Liverpool Street Station. When I reached
Liverpool Street Station however, I found my self lost trying to find a train
that would finally take me to Norbury. When I finally got the train back to
Norbury Station I received long phone calls from Louisa telling me how much she
would miss me. The phone call carried on when I arrived home and did not finish
until about 1.30 in the morning. I was absolutely exhausted. Throughout that
week we phoned each other on a regular basis. (On one occasion it temporarily
saw me out of the waiting reception in my local surgery.) However, with her living in Wood Green
transport was always going to be an issue. This caused Louisa a lot of anxiety.
I did my best to relieve her over the train journeys but sadly this wasn’t
enough. On the evening of the 5th of August while enjoying an
evening at my social group I called Louisa on my plans to get to Wood Green but
she had given up on the relationship. She initially said that we should just be
friends. All this just 9 days after we met in Central
London. It got worse the previous day when I phone her. She said
“Richard, I don’t want to talk to you”
in our brief phone call. When I went to my South Croydon
social group on Monday the 8th of August I asked some people how
such a promising relationship can go down so quickly. A volunteer who was
present that night cleverly stated that perhaps speed dating leads to speedy
relationships which end quickly. During the session we heard on the radio about
the riots in Croydon and we therefore had to find alternate ways to get back
home. A volunteer suggested that I take a train from South Croydon Station. I
finally found the station through a church graveyard. When I reached the
station however there was a young anxious steward who was uncertain of which
lines were running and which stations were available. There was a woman who
spoke to the steward asking about how she could get to West
Croydon. The steward replied “West Croydon Station’s burnt down, gone.
You can’t go anywhere in West Croydon tonight.
It’s an absolute war zone.” Later on that fateful evening I received phone
calls from my mother about my whereabouts. Eventually I was allowed inside the
station and I got a train heading to London
Bridge. While I was on
the train I was scared about my safety and decided to phone Louisa one last
time but before I could finish a sentence she shouted “RICHARD I DON’T WANT TO
TALK TO YOU. I DON’T KNOW WHY I BOTHERED WITH THIS SPEED DATING THING. I’VE HAD
PEOPLE LET ME DOWN AND I DON’T WANT ANYMORE OF IT. I DON’T DO DISTANCES. PLEASE
STOP CALLING ME AND STOP GIVING ME MESSAGES.” That was full blown proof that
our relationship was over seemingly through no fault of our own. It felt sad
and very abrupt but it was still my first ever intimate relationship. A
landmark in my life. I got of the train at London Bridge
and looked for a steward to ask if Norbury Station was still in function.
Thankfully it was and I was guided to the platform that had a train that
stopped at Norbury. Once I got of the station I was hoping that there would be
no active trouble and thankfully there wasn’t any, although I did see a yellow
car that smash into a mobile phone shop. I was just glad to have got home
safely on a night of violence in Croydon. The next morning I called friends and
family to see if they all of them were okay. Thankfully they were.
On Thursday the 8th of September I attended the
AGM of my chess club feeling rather tired and drowsy. During the meeting I had
to speak about how my team has performed in the last 2 years (as I missed the
previous AGM through illness) as one of the team captains. However the next day
when I was at my parent’s house for a visit one of the vice-presidents of the
club suggested on the phone that he takes over my team captaincy only because
he thought that I was depressed! I had to tell him that I was not depressed I
was tired. I couldn’t understand why he wanted to take over my position,
especially since the club already elected me to carry on the position and
besides, it’s only a small rapid-play team and he has plenty of jobs to do
anyway. But I am glad to still have my position as the rapid-play team captain
of South Norwood Chess Club. Especially now that the competition now has a new
handicap format which affects the way a match result is perceived. From an
individual perspective I am happy to say that at the tail end of the calendar
year my chess performances have improved. Before the end of 2011 my 2011/12
standard-play record was 3 wins, 3 draws and just the 1 loss.
On Saturday the 1st of October I played in the
one-day rapid-play tournament at Coulsdon. I didn’t do to well in that
tournament only managing to win two and a half points, winning just the one
game out of the seven. I decided that I needed to sharpen up my tactical play
so I decided to buy a book on chess tactics. However I realized that I did not
have enough money in my bank account to buy the book so I decided to wait until
the evening of Tuesday the 5th to return to Coulsdon to purchase the
book. I realized that they also played the card game of Bridge over there so I
asked if I could browse to see how the game worked. I was given the permission and after buying
the book A Course in Chess Tactics. I
was shown where to sit to observe. It was interesting to witness arguments
between partners about how the hands and deals should be played. I also witness
the usage of what are called bidding boxes which display what both pairs of
partners are trying to achieve with their hands. I have since been to a couple
of beginners’ sessions to learn how to play bridge as you would read about
later.
During November I wondered what it would be like to be a
woman with Asperger’s. Asperger Syndrome is a generally male condition as
approximately only 1 in 10 people diagnosed are female. Hence I browsed the
internet for a book on a female perspective of Asperger’s. I then found the
book Asperger’s – If only you knew. A
story about a woman named Sophia Summers only realises she has the condition
years after the diagnosis of her son Josh.
On the 6th and 8th of December I went
to the beginners Bridge classes in South Croydon suggested by my Chess club
chairman. During the two sessions we learned what was called “mini-bridge”, a
simplified version of the game without the bidding. The aim was to teach
players new to bridge how to asses a hand and how to win tricks. I got to know
some interesting people during those two days including a German woman who
seemingly assumed that a cat that was present at the time was female, but I then
learnt that it was because of the grammar of the German language which always
refers to an unknown cat as female. I then heard that the cat’s name was
Hector. So the cat was clearly a male. On the 16th of the month I
would go to the last NAS meeting of the year. NAS meetings are informal
meetings run by the National Autistic Society that are usually held every last
Thursday of each month at The George pub. However during December they
accelerate the time of the meeting in time for Christmas, hence we had it on
the 16th. We reviewed how the year went for all of us and talk about
plans for the New Year. For most of the evening we had a senior couple sit
beside us. The man spoke to another member of the group about how much he hated
Christmas and thought it was just a money making scheme. The woman eventually
got involved and asked Maria, the woman running the group what the group was
about. Afterwards the woman suddenly said to me “Can I just say what a handsome
looking young man you are. You’re lovely”. Maria responded “There you go
Richard; you’re a ladies’ man. (She’s Right I have been a ladies’ man this
year. Don’t ask me how I’ve pulled it off but I have had my fair share of
female attention in 2011) She said this on more than one occasion. After Maria left
the pub the woman asked me to sit beside her. The man wanted to know how two
people with autism can communicate together, and I generally said that you just
ask a question to the person. He then asked so how does he (the other present
group member) will respond. I told him that there are different levels of
autism. During this conversation the woman was affectionately stroking my back
still saying things like “You’re lovely”. The man happened to be a Jazz
promoter and showed us his business card at the end of the evening and as we
got off our chairs to go home the woman gave me a kiss on both cheeks. I
realized that there was enough time to go to my chess club to talk about the
evening. I spoke to the chairman of the club about the story between me and the
old lady and he said in amusement “Those are the woman you should be avoiding”.
Afterwards I would play a couple of games and go home.
