6 Lies my mother told me.

 6 Lies my mother told me on 3 August 2024.

TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️:  EMOTIONAL TRAUMA.

1. No one else in our family shouts:

This is probably the easiest lie to refute. 

Evey single member of my immediate family has shouted in the past. It is almost incomprehensible in practice to believe that a family can live tog for decades without at least once shouting at each other. 

 2. I haven’t seen My older sister''s baby:

I've actually seen her TWICE. Once, during a  video call on a calling platform and once when she was sleeping on my sofa bed.

  3. I don't give her any thanks:

How disingenuous!

I regularly thank her when I receive items from her and even made a blog post, saying thanked her for everything that she had done for me during the pandemic.  

https://richarddavislife.blogspot.com/2022/04/thank-you-mum.html?m=1

  4. The Police told me to move out:

The police never demanded me to move home. SHE called the council and got a social worker to help me move home. The police had nothing to do with it.

5. You have never disowned me:

She disowned me in August 2018 for my Buddhist journey and for wanting to work in a Buddhist community, and even begged me to be a Muslim or a Christian. On the 13th of December 2024, my mother gave me a text saying 'stay lonely' during a rant by text over my showing of the 6 lies a calling platform. This is clearly a rejection from the family. 

 6. She don't abuse me:

This is almost as easy to refute as lie no.1.

She has both physically and verbally abused me as a child, beating me up with belts, slippers, planks of wood and even tied me up with blue string during my infancy. She has also called me 'mad' 'mental' 'abnormal' and a 'freak' during my childhood.

THAT IS CHILD ABUSE!

If you think that a mother still deserves love despite having told soo many lies in one day, then I don't believe in justice. When are mothers going to have accountability for theirs words and actions towards theirs grown up children? If it was the other way round,  we would have been disowned. However, it seems that mothers can now get to say and do whatever they want to their children without any consequence or repercussions. 

I can tell that my mother is lying as my mother is not able to justify these claims with any kind of significant detail. 

I cannot continue to keep loving a liar. I am absolutely heartbroken by my mother's constant slander. I cannot tolerate this anymore. 

 What 4 years of bad asthma taught me about life.

1). Health is all that matters

When you are in an ongoing health struggle like I have been, nothing matters more. Everything else feels irrelevant. All of your material ambitions are, at least momentarily, put on the side. You start to learn what it means to have a completely functional body. After all, if your body disfunctions, so does you life in general. 

2). Self embrace

One interesting thing that I had learned about illness is that you become more... well... you! You become more authentic. You don't try to hide who you are to anybody because... what's the point? You may not even be alive tomorrow, so you might as well be yourself and let yourself go with the flow. What ever will be will be. What ever works for you works, and whatever doesn't, doesn't.

3).Small things, big difference.

When you are not able to go out as often as you would like, you start to appreciate the smaller things in life, like having a cosy bed to sleep in, or eating your favourite foods, listening to your favourite music, reading your favourite books, learning a new language, or in my case, enjoying online chess. You stop worrying about the bigger things in life, because you know you cannot attain them.  You appreciate every day for what it is, whether good, bad, or indifferent.

4) Compassion

When you are suffering, you become more compassionate for others who are suffering. When you are in hospital you can see the how many people are suffering every day. Doctors and nurses from around the world dedicate their entire lives to help people recover from serious illnesses and even save lives. They do this regardless of who you are, where you are from, what you look like or sound like, or what your beliefs are. They have no biases to who they look after. All they care about is that you are feeling better than the day before, thanks to their uncompromising care and attention. I think that compassion is something that is very important in this world. Compassion is a life changing gift that can make the world so much better for so many people. 

The black sheep.

 Baa, baa, black sheep. Have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full. One for the master, And one for the dame, And one for the little boy. Who lives down the lane.

This famous children's nursery rhyme really reflects how I feel about life right now. Always having to give others wool. While I am not exactly a sheep myself, I do feel that the 'wool' that I have to give is gratification to others. In other words, I am always the one that has to please others. Others will always demand more 'wool' from you, even when it has just been shaven of.

Have you ever felt that you were a black sheep? Have you ever felt that you never belonged, no matter where you go? Do you always feel that you are the odd one out, the square peg in a round hole, or even an outcast, in your own family or even worse, in society?

Well, this is exactly how I have felt for most of my life. There has been many events in my life, both recent and historic, that have proven to me that no matter where I go in life, I am always going to be the odd one out, the one who sticks out without even trying. 

Throughout my life, whether with my family, whether in school or college, whether in certain social situations, or in the general public at large, I have always had to cope with the fact that I am looked at a little bit differently, and I do things in life that most other people don't. My interests over the years have been rather obscure, which means that I am normally the only person in most social circles that has any kind of understanding of the subject. Over the years, these subjects include chess, shogi, Buddhism, yoga, meditation, pen pal writing, language learning, and mathematics. In many cases, only a limited group of people have any interest, understanding or even knowledge of the given subject, which has made me feel isolated and lonely, meaning that is hard for me to make friends, or even have any connection with anyone.

In my family, I am the only boy 5 children, which already puts me in a difficult situation socially, as I am inevitably going to look at the world a little bit differently. What's more, I have been diagnosed with Autism since the age of 5 and eventually with Asperger Syndrome at the age of 10.The means even neurologically, I am different.

I struggled to make and maintain friends at school, because of my social awkwardness and constant misunderstanding of how socialising works. Although my social and communication skills have improved over the years, I find myself in fallouts and disagreements with other people, especially within my own family. 

Dating has been a big mystery in my life, because I wasn't told any specific dating advice from anyone, until my late 30s, by which time, I have already passed the average age of marriage. Instead, I have been previously given complacent statements by everyone that I met like 'one day I will have a girlfriend' or 'everyone was meant to have one'. Alas, I'm still waiting.

However, in the last 4 years, I have been going through my worst health spell of my lifetime, and to be honest, I am beyond the point of caring of what other people think of me as I am happy to be alive, and still be able to live an independent life. Even if my family never accepts the way I am, I know that I have done my best in my given life situation. I know that I have grown, evolved and developed as person over the years, and there are only so many types of people that I can successfully work with. If no one in my family can fit in with who I am, then that's just one of those things. I know that I have done well in certain areas of life, and I will keep on aspiring to be a better person for myself and other people.

We all need moment in our lives, when we need to focus on ourselves, and show compassion to ourselves when we are aware that we may not be a fit for other people because of the way we look, or sound, or dress, or even how we generally function as a human being. Compassion for oneself is the way to eventually show compassion to other people; only then can we give gratification to others. In other word, this is how we grow our 'wool', and let it grow, until it's 3 bags full, one for the master, one for the day, one for the little boy who lives down the lane.

Approved by Hilokal.

 

Hello Everyone.

This is a quick blog to announce that I have been approved by Hilokal to be an English teacher/trainer.

Hilokal is an app that has been made specially for language exchange, where people can practice their language skills with the real voices of native speakers. There are also many welcoming communities on the app for people with special interests.

I hope all of you can join me their soon.

Hilokal lobby for all of the tables to talk in.

Sample table of conversation 

Hilokal - Language exchange for free speaking practice

My new years resolutions for 2024

My new years resolutions for 2024

1. Eat less sugar. 

I for many years have done my best reduce my sugar intake. However, I until recently was not aware that carbohydrates like bread, pasta and rice contain a lot of sugar without even tasting sweet. 

I will do my best to avoid sugar and carbohydrates as much as possible. 

2. Exercise more. 

One thing that has been great about 2023 is the ability to frequently attend a gym, where I can do various exercises. There has been some exercises that I have really enjoyed doing including bench press, bicep curls and rowing. 

Due to my asthma crisis, opportunities to walk to different places have been pretty slim. Thankfully, I can fell my asthma improving going into the new year, and I hope by the start of spring that I be able to explore different places. 

3. Have more conversations in more languages.

For many years now, I have had a passion for learning certain languages. However, I am aware that I don't always give each language the same level of focus on each language.

I want to become conversational in more languages so that I can have more great conversations in my language exchange app.

4.Teach English. 

Since the Autumn of 2019, I have taught English to many foreign language students in face-to-face and online classes. 

One thing that I want to do this year is to teach English as often as possible. There are a couple of online jobs that I am interested in applying for and I hope to get them this year. 

I want to teach people from around the world and learn about different people from different cultures to enhance my work experience. 

Good luck with your resolutions. 

Happy New Year everyone!

My Dumbell Routine for asthma

I normally do 4x10 , 3x15 or 3x20 reps of the exercises below depending on difficuly and how strong I'm feeling at the time of the workout.  On the first 3, I focus on inhalation and second 3, I focus on exhalation

 Inhalation 

Bicep curls

Front raises

Side raises

Exhalation 

Squats

Oblique side bends

Lunges

After, I Normally like to do about 20 minutes of cardio to test how well my lungs are working.

Martin Cath 1938-2023

 

MARTIN CATH 1938-2023

Our beloved president of South Norwood Chess Club, Martin Cath, passed away at the age of 85 on 23 July 2023 peacefully in his home. 

Martin Cath was a long running president and member of the club who was amongst other things, a chairman, a treasurer, an inter-club tournament controller, a grader

I will always remember Martin as a consummate professional in everything he did both for the chess club and the West Thornton Community Association committee.  

He always spoke well of people and made sure that everybody around him felt welcome. 

He was an inter-club tournament controller for 36 years and a grader for 16 years. More than anything, he was a man with an impeccable love for the game of chess with a career spanning over 50 years.

My condolences to all of his friends and family.